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Expecting The Worst?
Do you always expect the worst? Why might it be helpful to change this way of thinking to something more positive?
- It would help you to be more confident
- It would help you to feel more relaxed
- It could help you to be more fluent
The idea is that how we think affects how we feel, which affects us physically...
And all these affect how we speak.
For example, answering the register is a nightmare. Every day you
go into school dreading the moment when it is your turn.
- You think: "I'm going to stutter again, I won't be able to say
my name, everyone will laugh. These are really horrible thoughts.
- You start to feel panicky.
- Then your muscles tense up and you get "butterflies".
- Then, maybe you do stammer just as you expected, or maybe it
was okay, but whatever happens, you start to worry about next
time.
This is what we call a vicious cycle:
I'm going to stutter (thoughts)
I stutter (what happens) Panic (feeling)
Butterflies
Tummy hurts
Thoughts like these really do make it worse. So the next time you
are worried about stammering, see if you can spot a vicious cycle
like the one above.
Give yourself a little time to think about how unhelpful these worrying
thoughts are and how they really wind you up! Then have a go at trying
to think of some more helpful thoughts, like "oh well, everyone knows
that I sometimes get stuck, and they aren't that interested", or "well,
it only lasts a couple of seconds anyway", or "I don't always get
stuck on my name, maybe it'll be okay today", or "so what? I've coped
before and I can cope again."
Afterwards, check how you did - were you able to tell yourself something
a bit more helpful? Did you manage to say your name, even though you
stammered? Did everyone laugh, or only one or two of the nerds in
the class?
We are not saying that positive thinking is the answer, but giving
yourself a pat on the back for trying may be better than just feeling
upset again. Have a go!
Thinking about your own skills
Did you know that when we are communicating with other people, only
30% is to do with the actual words we say? Sounds strange doesn't
it? But most of our communication is to do with our body language.
When we have a conversation we are not just concentrating on the words,
we are also noticing how relaxed a person is, whether they are looking
at us, smiling, nodding listening to us and are genuinely interested
in what we are saying. And this works both ways. If you look relaxed,
smiley and interested, people will want to talk to you. But if you
are looking away or seem tense or anxious, people will feel uncomfortable
about talking to you. The stammering is less important than you think
- your body language tells more about you than your speech.
The important skills related to body language are:
Looking at people when you are talking (but not staring!). Listening
and showing that you are by nodding, smiling, appearing relaxed, not
looking as if you can't wait to get away!
So, even if you feel nervous or worried, have a go at trying to look
as if you feel okay. We're not telling you to "just relax" and all
will be well. But we do know that the conversation will be easier
if you seem to be okay! And it gets easier with practice. Remember
the buzz words - have a go!
Finally, let us know if you have tried other things which we should
be sharing with everyone! |
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"Thanks
for all the time effort and care you put into Liam. It has certainly
paid off. We couldn't stop him talking now, even if we wanted to..."
How You Can Help |
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